Miss Emma and a big new world hope – Alexandria, MN newborn photographer

Whew. It’s has been a bit. Not since I have blogged, but yes since I have blogged, but for me behind the scenes it has been a bit as well. Miss Emma’s session was the last session I did before Covid was a thing. Right before stay at home orders were put into place.

Many of you know that the last part of 2019 and beginning of 2020 was an extremely difficult (to put it mildly) time in our lives. 2 weeks after our youngest was married on the most perfect day in September, my mother in law had a stroke. She was transported to St Cloud Hospital, for surgery, a few days later was moved back to Alex in short term care. She battled for several weeks and seemed on all counts making her way to recovery, not a full recovery, but progress was being made, until it wasn’t. A few weeks later, she quickly declined, her grand babies, and greats said their goodbyes and passed away on November 22nd with her husband, children and their spouses by her side. I think she didn’t want to live like that, unable to speak, walk, care for herself. Joyce was very clear how she wanted her last time on earth to be, how she wanted to be remembered, and how her life should be celebrated.

Just 45 days later, our earth was shook again. My mom called me on January 10th saying her leg was numb and she was going to ER.  Within 10 minutes, she was flown to St Cloud for several emergency and delicate surgeries which to no avail could not save her life. Surrounded by the same hallways, same physicians, and nurses as Joyce had, my mom did. So surreal we were here again. Her granddaughters were able to hold her hand, give her love, even her 92 year mother was there to kiss her youngest child goodbye. My beautiful mother passed away January 14th with us by her side, holding her hand as she took her last breath. Before she was airlifted to St Cloud, my last words to her and her to me was “I love you”. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of these two extraordinary women who made me the woman I am today.

I have to tell you, those who has lost their moms know this,  it is a strange world to navigate without your mom. She gave me life, knew all the things about me from the moment I entered the world. Your mom knows you like no one does. Your mom is there when no one else is. Your mom loves you without hesitation, without condition and without limits. If you are blessed to still have your mom on this earth, cherish her and the time you have. It is never enough.

Then enters Covid. For me a grief quarantine followed by a world quarantine. In many ways it was therapeutic for me. Before stay at home orders, I was slowly making my way out into public again because I would see someone I knew in the grocery store and be bawling in aisle 3. So I limited outings to the YMCA and Target 🙂 , and then was forced to stay home. I actually liked it, not the stress of people getting sick and dying but the reclusively of it. I dove into arts, games, indoor gardening, home projects (a challenge when you can’t go to the store), and ONLINE GROCERY SHOPPING (I doubt I will go back to regular trips to the grocery store). I did discover something, I couldn’t focus for shit. I tried reading, I found myself skimming the pages with nothing sinking in. I tried several times. My body was resting, my mind was not.  Being outside in my yard and garden, my morning social distancing outings with my Y friends has heaven sent. But my mind…is still not settled. And now you throw in current events with the death of George Floyd, I am unsettled again. Maybe you do not know that my husband is in Law Enforcement, maybe you do. So you can understand my unsettlement. I am worried about our division. I am worried about people of color, I am worried about my husband and his coworker who are fair, good and just, I am worried about people judging us thinking we are one way or the other. Those who know me know, I don’t have a malicious bone in my body, I stand up for the ones who can’t, I am furiously loyal, I call bullshit when I see it, and will not tolerate racism AT ALL in my life. There are many in LE who are doing it right, and a few who are not. We do not have a place in this world for the ones who do not. I pray we as a whole can come together, fill the need where it needs to be with caring, empathy, strength, conviction, morals, honesty and most importantly with LOVE. I am listening, I am learning, I am trying.

Sorry for being long winded and hijacking Emma’s post, but it is very timely and not on purpose at all. I pray for Emma and her family so that she will grow up in a world who shows her love, equality, compassion, that empowers her, that teaches her that we are all in this together. And together is where we need to stand.

I have my first session on the books next week, I have been using this time to honestly step away from my business to recharge. I think I am ready, I know I ready to meet new people, capture their lives and the beauty of it. I am nervous, and probably a little rusty, and I have to find my camera 😉 Just kidding, I know where it is, in the closet where I have left it intentionaly since March. Honestly.

“I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality… I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.”

– Martin Luther King